Breaking Free: The Societal Conditioning You Never Knew Existed
Just because we learned it when we were young, doesn't mean it was right
I touched on this in one of my other posts, but knew immediately that this deserved a full post, and maybe even several more after that.
Why is this so important?
The world evolves fast. If you don’t keep up with what’s happening, you wake up one day to find that everything around you has changed, except yourself. In a world where everything is in motion, we must too be in motion in order to “ride with the tide”. It’s one of those “laws of the universe” that I’ve stumbled upon, tested, and found to make sense. If you’re not in motion, everything passes right by you, including opportunity.
Let’s get into one of the most important things you can do in this lifetime here on Earth.
Uncover the Real You
We see this being talked about a lot nowadays, but a deeper question remains, why do we even need to do this? Why don’t we just already know who we are? From my observation, over the last 30 years or so, the greater majority of us were not allowed to freely express ourselves and explore the world around us as children. The main reason for that was our parents and teachers did not think we were responsible or knew enough to either protect ourselves from our experiences, or have good judgments to avoid getting physically hurt. They thought it would be better to control our experiences to what they thought they should be. In terms of safety, I can understand some of this but if we zoom out a bit, we can see that the helicopter parenting nowadays has really increased in the last few decades. Here’s a story on how I’ve come to realize that.
A Trip To Sedona Unlocks Family Secrets
I recently got back from a father and son trip with my Dad in Sedona, AZ and we had some really good bonding time. I’m grateful for my Dad and the relationship I have with him now; he wasn’t the easiest person to have as a parent growing up, but after talking with him as an adult, I realize that the majority of his decisions were based on what he knew growing up, and how his household functioned.
He shared with me that when he was 13, he used to hitchhike to work every day because he didn’t have a car. He said he would leave at 7 am and return in the late evening every day. His parents knew that he had a job, but they never knew how he got there, or what time he was coming home. And they never asked how work was or how he even got there.
His three other siblings operated in a similar manner where they would leave the house at random times during the day to do "God knows what", and would continue to come and go as they pleased. There were never any questions from the parents when they got home. Talking to some other people from that generation, I realized that it was pretty normal for that time. Parents were not as nervously involved in their kids' lives as they are today. In fact, most kids had to figure out things on their own through trial and error and by observing other people doing things around them. That sounds like a big responsibility for a kid if we think about it today. But if we go back even further to our grandparents' generation, we realize that they were doing things like this even earlier.
Let’s explore quickly what happens when a more hands-off, trusting approach is used where children are a llowed to see, interact with, and experience the world on their own terms. They are not influenced by rules, fears, and advice from their family on how to best experience life. Being completely hands-off is risky, because every child needs a certain level of guidance. Some more than others. It’s a parent’s job to feel that out, and step in when it’s needed, but not all the time.
Parents who take a more hands-off approach but still guide their kids in the right direction have a better chance of allowing their children to discover themselves, what speaks to them, and what they actually think about the world based on their own minds and experiences.
Fast forward to today, in my humble opinion, we see far more hands-on helicopter parenting than we need. In fact, most parents wouldn’t even let their kids leave the house without knowing where they are going, when they’ll be back, and would also expect them to check in every so often. And those are just the basics. Most parents would want even more details than that before feeling comfortable about what was going on.
So What’s Changed? Why Is There More Fear and Worry in 2024 Family Households?
I believe that as time has passed over the last 50 years, the conditioning that we are receiving from society has made us more fearful, less confident, and more susceptible to our minds being hijacked with planted beliefs on “the right way to do things”.
Why?
Because there’s a belief circulating around that the average person isn’t smart enough to make the important decisions in their lives such as how they want to learn, what they want to learn, how they want to speak, and what kinds of projects (jobs) they really want to work on. Billion-dollar CEOs, presidents, corporations, and the “powers that be” don’t want you making your own decisions. Instead, they want you to get in line, like sheep, and only play within the walls of your pen. They’re very comfortable and certain with this plan because it’s the pen that they built and understand the most. This way, they will always know what to expect and will never be surprised. Translation? They will have the control over you that they need. How do they do it? By slowly influencing generations over time, who will then automatically influence the generation after them.
Why does this benefit them?
"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown." - H.P. Lovecraft
Human beings fear uncertainty. We want to be certain of what we know and do. It helps us feel comfortable in life because it gives us confidence that we will always survive.
I actually didn’t believe all this (crap is what I initially called it) at first. Why would people in elevated job positions want to control how the world operates? Isn’t it enough for them to just focus on their own lives and families, never mind the entire world?
Then I started my own business and learned what it’s like to run a successful business with employees. The main goal as a CEO is to be certain that the business survives and thrives. You have to keep your employees in line and make sure they’re doing what’s best for the business. You can have a great relationship with your employees, as long as they obey your rules. The minute an employee goes out of line, that worker is cut and a new one is found to ensure the survival of your business, your income, and your family.
Keeping your employees operating within the rules you’ve set, gives you certainty and peace of mind that things are going well. This means, you get to keep your business, status, money, lifestyle, all of it. Some CEOs do this so well that you wouldn’t even know it. Others, like Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk, are openly ruthless, with horror stories spreading far and wide of how they directly treat their employees. Whether the order in your business is kept together with a smile or by instilling fear, it has to be done to ensure the business stays afloat. After all, if a business goes under, it’s almost always much more devastating for the owner compared to the employee. No business owner wants to go through that; it’s human instinct to want to protect what you’ve built.
Let’s look at that on a larger scale. Enter The Big Guns.
Imagine you’re a billion-dollar CEO who has attained status, fame, money, the lot of it. No one likes to backtrack after they’ve achieved something like a certain status, lifestyle, a fat wallet. No one wants to give those things up, especially when you stake your core value and worth on these things, which many do.
So in the world of human behavior, what happens when you’ve achieved a high status like that?
You will do anything to maintain it. It’s much easier to maintain something when you know what to expect and have control over the things around you. So once these people get to the top, they’ll do anything to stay there, even if it means resorting to nasty means.
Has your business ever been in jeopardy? Have you ever been in survival mode? Have you ever had to fight for your family? Because of this were you ever willing to break the rules, do something dishonest, etc?
If this is true for people in mainstream society, imagine what it’s like at their level. And let’s look at the people at the very top for a second. Most of us don’t even know who owns the world, or that there is an owner. But that’s for another post. If there’s enough interest, I’ll write about it :)
How Did All This Control and Conditioning of the Masses Happen?
The recent technology boom has allowed us to “market” our ideas and products to people more than ever before. And what is one of the most popular marketing methods? Fear.
Here’s and example:
“If you don’t start using this product, you may be at high risk for osteoporosis in the future.”
The key word here is “may”. It’s a real funny word actually, the more you know about it the more you’ll start to see it in ads, on the news, everywhere really. May does not mean “it will definitely happen” although so many of us have been hardwired to believe that. In fact, I’ve almost found out that if that word is present, it almost means it won’t happen and it’s just a fake threat to try to get us to do what someone else wants. Unfortunately, our brain is just trained to jump to the worst-case scenario. That fight or flight response is what they’re counting on. It skips the whole “critical thinking” step and just jumps to what it believes is certainty, and a safe resolution. This... Is conditioning...
How Conditioning Controls Us
Our conditioning tells us what to believe, how to act, how to dress, what to say, what not to say, and so much more. It’s the command center of our being where all decisions are made from. The dangerous part about this is that it started from a really young age and most of us don’t know anything different, or that it even took place. It begins with manners learned in school and at home. Raise your hand to speak, dress in this way because it’s better, don’t talk out of turn, don’t openly disagree with an adult or disobey people older than you. In fact, don’t question anything.
Trust us to tell you everything that is going on and everything that you need to know and you will always be safe.
Let me ask you this...
Did your parents tell you everything that was going on in the household when you were growing up?
Did your teachers tell you everything you needed to know about education and how the real world worked?
Does your boss tell you everything about the company you work for, how it works, and disclose to you that they keep you on a small salary while they get rich?
Does the news inform us about the absolute truth that is going on in the world around us?
Or are there cracks in the pavement where information is withheld, skewed, and any questions about this are either deterred or ignored?
One way to separate conditioning from actual belief is to start questioning why you do what you do and why you believe what you believe.
“Did I choose to believe this or do this on my own and of my own free will and accord? Does it feel authentic to live life in this way?”
If the answer is no, you were most likely forced into it by fear, guilt, or some other expectation from a third party. Some of the stuff that you have been conditioned to believe may actually resonate with you, but to know this requires you to apply critical thinking where we ask our gut:
“Do I really agree with this? Does this actually make sense and make my life better? Is there another way that feels more authentic?”
What’s The Greatest Danger Of Being Conditioned
The greatest danger really is that you will never know your true capabilities or what your life could have been if it was free and limitless. Everywhere we look, we are told that Americans are living in a free democracy and we celebrate freedom. But are we really 100% free when other people are telling us what to do, how to live, how to be? And if we don’t abide by those suggestions we are ridiculed, looked down on, and shunned in society, not just by the people around us, but often by our very own families.
One of the greatest things that we can do is explore our own uniqueness. There isn’t another person on this planet completely like you. That’s your biggest strength. But if you never learn how to express yourself and become that unique part, you will end up joining the millions of robots who already live in society. These people believe the same things, do the same things, and seem to care about the same kinds of things. Pardon my honesty but what’s the fun in that? To be like everyone else? Do we really want a community where we are just looking at reflections of ourselves? How difficult would it be to actually grow in an environment like that? Instead, we should champion diversity, learn from one another, and expose ourselves to different beliefs and cultures. Even if we don’t end up jiving with them, at the end of the day, these experiences help us with compassion, empathy, and understanding because we’re connecting to more angles on a daily basis than just our daily life and can put ourselves in the shoes of other people and their different experiences.
HOW DO WE BEGIN TO BREAK THE CONDITIONING AND BECOME OUR AUTHENTIC SELVES?
Now that we’ve outlined the problem, what are some ways that we can get in touch with our more authentic selves and start living for what we truly feel deep down? As someone who has been actively shattering conditioning for the last 12 years, I’m going to give you my best advice on the things I’ve found to work.
When you find someone with a different opinion, ask them how they have come to believe that, or why it is so important to them? Ask this from a neutral, curious perspective and you may grow to understand why they feel this way. In the end, you still may not agree with them, but what you will have is an understanding of why this is their opinion, and it will help you have more compassion and empathy for their situation. In a world that is constantly focused on dividing us from each other, we need to focus on being able to have relationships with people who have different beliefs and opinions from us. Strength in numbers is the ultimate goal.
If you come across some news or information that smells fishy, resist the urge to attach to it and react immediately. Instead, leave it where it is, and double-check a few different sources before sharing it or coming to a conclusion. Ask anyone in the media world and they will tell you that the most important thing is for a story to get views. That should say something right there.
Use yourself as the ultimate lie detection mechanism. When you come across a piece of information or a recommendation ask yourself this question. “How do I really feel about it”. Your gut response has a lot more power than you think and in some ways, can debunk BS just on an intuitive feeling alone.
Following up from #3, we can check in with ourselves daily and ask questions like this:
Is what I am doing in life fulfilling for me? Does it speak to me? Does it light me up every day? If not, what does? No matter how scary that answer may be, that’s your truth and it should be honored. Don’t know what that is yet? Keep exposing yourself to different opportunities and notice how you feel. When you feel a jolt of excitement, follow that!
Are my beliefs solid? Do they support me in my life? Was I told to believe this or did I come to this conclusion on my own. If I was told by someone, how has this belief worked out for them?
To the best of my knowledge, am I acting as my authentic self? Or do I catch myself restricting myself from doing / saying certain things. Why do I do that? What would happen if I stopped doing that?
These are a few quick guides to get you started, but the real work lies in really being willing to get to know yourself. If something doesn’t feel right, you need to trust yourself that this is true for you. If something that you’re doing isn’t making you feel good, that’s a sign from the universe that there’s something better out there that will suit you more.
Following these very steps myself, a lot has changed in my life including: My religious beliefs, my political beliefs, my diet, how I exercise, my hobbies and interests, and most importantly, how I WANT to live my day to day life. And it all happens from just being willing to have conversations with yourself and answer some questions.
I hope this was a good intro at what’s really out there and some of the things that can be explored and questioned to bring you more ease and joy in your life. There’s nothing that makes us happier than doing what we love and being who we want to be. Remember, no one can stop you from doing that. People can kick, scream, whine, and try to tear down your changes. Just ignore them, and know they won’t be able to do anything more than that. I’ll leave you with this quote that I love.
“Work hard in silence, and let your success be your noise”
-Frank Ocean
Enjoyed this! Such an important topic.