Stop Waiting For Your Partner To Meet Your Needs—It Never Works With Anyone
Why Your Partner Can't Meet Your Needs—And How to Stop Feeling Empty in Your Relationships
I had a moment recently that shifted everything.
I realized my parents are showing up differently in my life now than they did when my brother and I were growing up.
Back then, they were all in—present, available, ready to drop everything.
Somewhere down the line, I developed this expectation that they’d always keep that level of intensity.
But since my brother and I became stable in life, they’ve taken their foot off the gas.
And sometimes it feels like too much.
Sometimes it feels like they don’t care in the way they used to.
But that’s not really what’s happening.
They’re focusing on getting their own needs met now. They’re dealing with their own pain, solving their own problems.
Their lives aren’t as secure as they used to be when they were married. They’ve since found new partners and need to work harder to build that new level of trust and make sure they have what they need in life.
It’s not that they don’t care. It’s that they’re playing their own game now. Focusing on their own survival.
And honestly? That’s not wrong. It just is.
What hit me wasn’t that they changed—it’s that I’d been waiting.
Waiting for them to validate me.
Waiting for them to make me feel secure.
Waiting for them to prove I was worthy of their time and attention the way they used to.
That’s when it clicked:
This isn’t just about my parents.
The Pattern Shows Up Everywhere
This is about everyone I’ve ever waited for.
Everyone I’ve expected to show up for me in a certain way.
My partner. My friends. My boss. Everyone.
My whole life, I was waiting for other people to validate me and stand by me and support me and make me feel okay.
Because once I felt okay and got the validation from others, then I could feel okay.
This is what a codependent relationship looks like—waiting for someone else to complete you, to fix you, to make you whole.
And it leads to unmet emotional needs. Over and over again.
Because nobody’s ever going to do that for you.
Especially 100% of the time.
People will disappoint you. People will hurt you.
Your partner will put themselves first when you least expect it.
Your friends won’t show up the way you thought they would.
Your boss won’t recognize you.
The people you love most won’t care in the ways you need them to.
Not because they’re terrible people.
Not because they’re emotionally unavailable (though sometimes they are).
Because they’re dealing with their own pain, their own survival, their own needs.
You’re the Only One Who Can Do This
The only way you can get through that is to be your own best ally.
You need to take care of yourself because you’re the only one who can do it.
You’re the only one who can make sure you’re always taken care of.
And yeah, it hurts when certain people just can’t show up for you in the ways you want them to, or they just won’t do it.
Which is why you have to show up for yourself.
You can give yourself everything that they would have given you.
And you can do it permanently.
And you should do it.
That’s the only way you’re ever going to guarantee and prove to yourself that you’re going to be okay—to build trust within yourself that you will be there to catch yourself if you fall.
To get back up.
To keep trying and keep moving through things in a way that makes the journey worthwhile.
Instead of waiting for somebody else to save you, you can save yourself.
You’re actually the only person who can.
What Betrayal Actually Looks Like
I used to think betrayal was dramatic—someone walking out, doing something unforgivable.
But betrayal is also subtle.
They don’t support you in a way you thought they would.
They say the wrong thing.
They put themselves over you at one point, which you never thought would happen.
There are so many ways somebody doesn’t live up to your expectations.
And they’re not supposed to.
That’s not what they’re here to do.
But society acts like it is the way that things work. And that’s what screws so many of us up—we believe that we need the approval of others and the people around us to completely be ourselves and feel okay in life.
You’re never going to have someone’s approval 100% of the time.
There’s always going to be a scenario where they would have done things differently, where they don’t agree with you.
They may even feel emotions against you like jealousy or envy.
They may be in a painful situation and put themselves before you, selfishly, even though you believe that it’s wrong for them to do that.
You would never do that for yourself, because you believe that it’s wrong, and you act as a martyr.
Like you’re the hero.
Like you’re doing things right.
When in reality, the right thing all along was to take care of yourself.
This Applies to Everyone
Mothers.
Fathers.
Siblings.
The love of your life.
Friends.
Coworkers.
Everyone.
You cannot rely on anyone to prop you up in this world and you shouldn’t.
You need to make sure that you’re in a position to take care of yourself and make yourself feel okay through life.
You need to be able to give yourself what you need.
You need to make decisions that are going to serve your best interest and growth.
Do not make sacrifices to help others that harm you, because very few would do the same for you.
And if they did it once, it’s probably very rare that they would ever do it again.
The conditioning tells us that this type of behavior is selfish.
It’s not.
What’s worse is allowing yourself to live in misery, just hoping that somebody’s going to do the right thing for you.
Hoping that somebody’s going to save you.
Hoping that somebody’s going to come to their senses and be there for you.
And how many years do you waste while you wait for that to happen?
So many die unfulfilled because they stick to these core beliefs—like the martyr—instead of being able to pivot and realize, hey, maybe this system doesn’t work this way.
Maybe this isn’t what’s supposed to be done.
How to Actually Do This
You need to take care of your own needs, but you also need to do it in a way that isn’t resentful towards others.
This is emotional independence. This is self-love in action. Not the Instagram version—the real kind.
You need to be kind and generous with others.
You need to practice setting boundaries without guilt.
No more expectations.
It’s time to live the life that you want to live, regardless of what anyone else thinks or what anyone else’s opinions are.
If you treat yourself the right way and you make the decisions that are correct for your own personal growth and strength, you will reawaken the king or the queen within you.
You can treat everybody else around you with kindness.
But you should never expect somebody else to play your game for you.
You should never expect someone else to do things for you and make your life easier.
This is your game. Your choices. Your life.
You need to accept responsibility for that and live it.
You’re the Love of Your Life
A healthy relationship starts with the one you have with yourself.
You’re the only person who can always keep your cup full.
You’re the only person you can really depend on.
You’re the only person who can heal yourself.
You’re the only person who can make things happen for yourself.
You’re the only person who can give you the love you deserve.
Searching for these outside of yourself always comes up empty.
Instead of searching outside for these needs—start searching for how you can meet these needs for yourself.
This is what I write about—building that loving, reliable trust from within.