Why Romantic Partnerships Don't Complete You.

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Monday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

Ep 18: Why Romantic Partnerships Don't Complete You

Through my work studying Human Behavior over the last 2 decades, I’ve developed a strong observational skillset. And over the years, I’ve noticed a common theme in the dating world.

Most single people out there are searching for “their perfect person” and believe that they need to find someone in order to: “complete themselves”

We’re going to be talking about this today because this is something that controlled the theme of my life for quite some time. And my goal here is to hopefully convince you to stop waiting and start living.

Before we get started I want to give you a preview on what we’ll be talking about. This episode will focus on:

• The mistake most people make when searching for love

• How to correctly attract your ideal partner into your life

• Why a partner cannot complete you or meet all your needs

• How to make sure your needs ARE met

This is going to be quite a fun episode. I’m excited.

Let’s dive in.

I want to start out by sharing with you that I spent the majority of my life single and confused. Every direction I turned in, I saw people, movies, books, and later social media all showcasing the same underlying message.

“You need someone to complete you in life and you can’t experience ultimate happiness until you find that person”

The interesting thing that I noticed about myself from mostly failing in the dating world was that the more I tried to force “finding my person” the more things just didn’t seem to work out.

I always blamed the other person for not being interested or not understanding the kind of person I was and the value I would be able to offer in the relationship.

I even used my authentic voice and told some potential partners over the years what I could bring to the relationship, but that didn’t seem to move the needle forward either.

I always thought I was “good enough” and my family and friends also echoed that in support while I was growing up.

But after I experienced difficulty in the romance world, I started to doubt whether that was true or not.

It took me a long time to live by the following philosophy

Show. Do not tell.

The truth is that most people aren’t interested in what you have to say, they want to see it put into action.

And I wasn’t doing that because I was too obsessed with just finding another date instead of trusting myself and living my life authentically, I became obsessed with proving myself to potential partners in the dating scene because deep down I didn’t think I was strong enough to tackle life all on my own.

I felt like if someone else believed in me, it would give me the permission to believe in myself, which would make everything possible.

Which brings me to the first point I laid out above:

The mistake most people make when searching for love

The biggest mistake I made and most people still make today is that they become obsessed with finding a partner, and don’t give themselves permission to fully live their life until they do.

This may sound fine to do — because in the “working world” you’re supposed to chase your dreams with absolute ferocity until you achieve them.

So why doesn’t that work here in the world of romance?

Obsessing over dating and partners oftentimes carries a certain energy to it. That energy is read along the lines of desperation, where it seems like you’re trying too hard to make everything work. There is also the energy of stress and worry carried along with this because when you’re on dates, you’re always:

• Worried about saying the right thing

• Worried about how you look

• Worried about your confidence, which oftentimes make you seem less confident

• Scared of the outcome you fear the most, which is that it won’t work out

• Doubting yourself and too hyper focused on the words the other person says which may or may not reflect interest in you

Sometimes obsessing over something makes us even more tense, which others can pick up on. People tend to stay away from tension, fear, worry, and stress because these are qualities that we don’t want in our lives.

Now I’m going to tell you the good news.

Once you realize what’s really going on in this pattern, you can change it! And the best part? You won’t have to stay stuck in it like I did for most of my life.

Which brings us to the second point I want to make in this episode:

How to correctly attract your ideal partner into your life

This is going to sound insane but hear me out.

Have you ever heard of the saying:

“Love will find you when you least expect it?”

Sounds poetic right? But what does it really mean?

In a nutshell, it means that you will find love when you’re not looking for it.

Most of us have heard of this but we silently dismiss it because we don’t like the way it sounds.

But the things is… It actually works

When you are able to confidently give up the feeling of lack that you experience by not having a partner, it empowers you to become the person you need to be to bring satisfaction and fulfillment into your life.

So what was my take on this after breaking it down even more?

“You will find love when you’re living your life authentically, focusing on yourself, and enjoying the process of watching life happen for you?”

Sounds a bit cliche, is it even true?

Yes, yes it is.

How does this work energetically?

When you feel bad because you don’t have a partner, energetically, it tells your inner self, as well as the people around you that you don’t feel like you’re enough on your own.

This is tough in the dating world because most people are searching for someone who is confident with who they are and what they’re doing. Let me be clear, you don’t need to have a perfect body, tons of money, or a large history of successes. You just need to be comfortable in your own skin, living authentically as yourself. Don’t apologize for your opinions, your habits, your interests. Realize that this life is yours and no one can really judge you except yourself.

To see this more clearly, you can ask yourself how you would feel about dating someone who seemed unsure of themselves, lived in a state of lack, and came across as needy or desperate in most situations.

You may not want to hear this but I’m a firm believer that knowledge is power and what I’ve found out is when you are emitting energies that pertain to:

• Desperation

• Fear

• Anxiety

• Frustration

People tend to avoid and distance themselves from those spaces. Wouldn’t you do the same? Once you can see this, you start to analyze your life and see how you can care for yourself so you won’t feel this way as often.

Again you don’t have to become a perfect person in all facets, you just have to become comfortable being you and living life as you are. That will be enough to start attracting like-minded people your way.

This was the very thing I was experiencing on the inside during most of my dating life experience. I didn’t realize that my energy was being felt by these other women and this is exactly what was causing them to be unsure about picking me as a partner.

One day I decided to stop obsessing over finding someone, and instead stepped into my power to live life on my terms. I was scared to do this deep down, which is why I avoided it for almost 15 years. But if there’s anything I can pass onto you it’s this: Don’t wait as long as I did. It seems like letting go of this feeling is going to guarantee you’ll be alone for the rest of your life, but trust me when I say that’s not true and this will be the best change you ever made for yourself.

So how did I pull myself out of feelings that pertained to lack and not feeling like I was good enough for love?

I took full responsibility and took my life into my own hands.

I started my own business and began working out again daily. This quickly made me start to feel better because I was taking care of a need that I had been ignoring for so long.

That need was caring for myself in the way I needed to be cared for. I always thought that other people were responsible for showing their love and admiration first so that would give me permission to do the same.

But what I didn’t realize is that I can and should give that same love to myself, and it feels just as good if not better.

Strangely enough, a few months after I made this shift lo and behold, I was actually asked out by this girl who became my girlfriend a few weeks after our first date. Fast forward to today, we are happily married. The fact that all this happened gave me the clarity I needed to explain why this actually works.

You see, when I decided to change my life focus to showing love for myself and caring for my own needs, my energy completely changed and I didn’t seem unhappy or like something was always missing. I just decided to finally trust in my life path, and knew that the universe would guide me.

If this seems a bit woo woo, I understand your skepticism. The best way I can explain it is that your energy and frequency is the main result of what you have brought into your life so far. If you keep waking up and focusing on the same things, the same things keep happening. After 15 years of trying to force life in the direction I wanted it to go in, I finally got the hint, surrendered control, and set a new goal for myself to take life one day at a time and just enjoy each day.

If you’re single and listening to this, you may be thinking

“It’s easy for you to say, you’re married now and have all that”.

Let’s talk about that for a second.

I grew up in a family that stressed the importance of finding someone to complete you so I really believed that would be the case.

Now that I’m in that situation where I’ve found someone, I realized actually very little has changed in the way I show up for myself.

I’m still responsible for:

• Taking care of myself

• Making sure my needs are met

• Believing in myself

• My own growth and meeting my own goals

My wife is an incredible support system and I’m lucky to say that she loves me and believes in me which is something I’ve always dreamed of. I will always be grateful for the connection I have with her.

But I still have my struggles when it comes to believing in myself and believing I’m enough, just as I always have. And she also has similar struggles that come up from time to time in her life.

What I’ve noticed is that you can be surrounded by an entire group of people who believe in you, support you, and love you—but if you don’t believe in yourself, care for yourself, and love yourself, you will still feel that void and struggle, whether you’re single or in a relationship.

I didn’t just gather this from my own relationship by the way, I’ve seen this same theme play out in hundreds of relationships over the years.

The best advice I can give you moving forward is to “complete” yourself first and then you will find someone who will complement that.

How do you start doing this?

Treat yourself as you would a good friend.

Show up for yourself, don’t cancel an appointment you make with yourself to work on a goal in your life.

Respect yourself as you would someone important in your life. The relationship you cultivate with yourself matters more than any other one out there.

It’s your basic foundation for a wonderful life, whether you’re living it single or with someone.

If you’re navigating something similar in your life right now and could use an extra hand, I’m always open to offering insights.

We can even work on a plan to get you on the right track to: loving and caring for yourself, positioning yourself to find the right partner, or navigating you through a difficult situation you may be in with your current partner.

I’ve seen so many people’s lives changed in the relationship world, including my own. This is why I’ve come to believe in this so strongly, and I know it can and will work for you too!

Reach out if you feel called to do so.

Thanks for tuning into this episode, I hope this information was helpful for you! If you’d like to share a unique situation you’re in, I welcome that in the comments! We learn by sharing our stories.

Be sure to tune in every Monday where I’ll be talking about a different problem that is common in relationships and how to go about solving it.

Have a problem you want me to write about? Let me know in the comments or DM me and I may do an episode on it!

Thanks again for reading and have a wonderful week everyone!

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THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

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