Learn More About Your Host: Nick Neve
*New Episodes Release Weekly*
Welcome to Relationships With a Soul* — I’m Nick, and this podcast is about learning to connect, not just with others, but with the deepest parts of yourself.
In the world we live in, most connections stay on the surface, we go deeper — into what it truly means to feel seen, supported, and safe.
Each week, we’ll talk about healing old patterns, setting boundaries, and building the kind of relationships that start with self-trust and ripple outward into every part of your life.
Real fulfillment isn’t about having more — it’s about becoming more of who you really are, surrounded by connections that feel true.
I’ve spent over two decades studying human behavior, spirituality, and connection — experimenting, failing, healing, and documenting what truly works. These episodes are here to help you grow through that same process with compassion, curiosity, and courage.
If you’re ready to stop chasing love and start becoming it, you’re in the right place. Let’s get into today’s episode.
*short disclaimer there is some language in this episode. If kids are around, please be mindful.
EP: 37 Why We Can’t Take Care Of Ourselves
By now most of us have heard of the expression “Take Care Of Yourself”. We all understand the English of what this means. It even sounds great to the ears. But why doesn’t it stick? Why do we hear these words and then revert right back to old patterns of burnout, people pleasing, self-sabotage, and other forms of destruction.
As someone whose been at rock bottom, barely able to get out of bed, and also someone who has abused his mind and body for most of his life, I’m proud to say that I no longer treat myself that way.
How did I get over that hump finally?
I came to fully grasp the reason why we just don’t take care of ourselves and in this episode I’m going to break it down for you. I’ll also outline the enormous benefits that happen once you finally DO take care of yourself. I guarantee that you can’t see them right now otherwise, you would immediately take the plunge and wouldn’t look back.
So what’s stopping you from self-care?
You are gridlocked in the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. Maybe you’ve heard this before but do you really know why it has so much power over you?
It’s because you live in a world that hopes and preys on trapping you there and keeping you there.
When you’re stuck in this state, you feel like you’re not enough, you’re not worthy, you need to do more, be more— to finally feel ok with yourself.
This is the main message that society spreads to everyone
You can’t stop until you’ve done “this”. You can’t finally relax until you’ve become “that”.
And then what happens when you finally achieve that level?
The bar gets silently raised and you’re trapped all over again.
Like an animal that’s being threatened, your senses are always up. You’re dangerously overstimulated, which makes it impossible to sit down, process things at a logical level, and asks the REAL questions that will reward you with what you truly want.
You’re so far into fight or flight, that thinking about changing anything at all brings about massive fear, and since you’re already at maximum, how could you possibly handle another thing on top of that heavy load you already carry. This is the way the mind works.
Not to mention, the change being asked of you is a change you’re unfamiliar with, a change that is often less stimulating than what you’re currently used to. So that makes it seem boring, useless, like a real waste of time. It’s part of the reason why it’s so hard for you to allow this to happen in your life.
I used to live in this state.
Before my feet would even hit the floor in the morning I’d reach over to my nightstand and pick up my phone. Scanning my emails, the stock market, text messages, and social media. Secretly praying for something to set me off. Positive or negative, it didn’t matter. I just wanted to feel “alive”. but in doing that every morning I didn’t realize that it was disrupting my peace, my equilibrium, my nervous system. My ability to concentrate, or have any chance at discipline whatsoever.
But the worst part?
I was giving control of my mood and feelings to whatever I saw on the screen. If it was positive, I would have a great day, if it was negative, I was doomed before the clock even hit 9am.
More often than not, the news was negative or unfulfilling and before my day even started, my energy plummeted, I felt like a failure, all because I gave control of my life to outside forces that were never in my control to begin with.
Sure it was exciting in the moment to get that hit of dopamine.
But the cost of that was MASSIVE. The cost was basically gambling my entire day. And it was almost always dissatisfying. The house always wins.
The danger of living this way is that you remain in a constant state of fight, flight or freeze and you’re not even aware of what it feels like to be out of that state.
You get trapped here thinking that this is the only way to live.
But I’m here to tell you it’s not because I’ve seen the other side and it is pardon my French, “fucking glorious”. Like I said at the beginning if you knew the payout you could receive for giving up those dopamine hits you’d be all in from the start.
Intrigued?
Here’s how you get out of the zombie state and back into your body
The first thing you need to realize about yourself is that YOU MATTER.
YOUR LIFE MATTERS, YOUR EXPERIENCE MATTERS, YOU DESERVE TO CARE FOR YOURSELF. LIFE IS TOO SHORT NOT TO.
When you deny the outside noise of “what everyone else is telling you to do” and trust yourself to do what you know is healthy for you, that’s when your life changes.
Taking care of yourself is different for everyone but I’m going to share the changes I made and what worked for me in hopes that it will jog your memory to create some of your own.
I knew I was overstimulated and it was affecting my level of patience, making me anxious, angry, and I was taking those emotions out on people I love who didn’t deserve that. I knew that devices were creating that anxiety for me. So I set a hard boundary.
At 8pm, my phone goes in my office and it stays there.
Instead of watching Youtube, listening to podcasts, or playing video games into the night and going to bed late, I started getting into bed at 10pm, and reading for 30 minutes. Miraculously, I got tired and fell asleep easily. Why? Because my mind was less stimulated and anxious. Simple as that.
That choice snowballed into me waking up early in the morning and Instead of reaching for my phone, I again set a hardcore boundary. My phone stays in my office. No phone for at least an hour after waking up. Instead I chose to have a glass of water, make coffee, and read an uplifting philosophy book in a quiet room while watching the sun come up and the birds come alive. I never thought I could look forward to that time each day but now I find myself getting excited about it quite often.
Here’s another big one. When I do reach for my phone it is INTENTIONAL. What that means is I am grabbing my phone for a purpose, whether it’s to check an email, send a message to someone, or do 1 other thing. Here’s where the boundary comes in. After I’ve completed that intention, I put my phone back down. No scrolling, no distractions. Solely intentions. If this is hard for you, consider putting your phone out of sight so it’s out of mind. Different rooms work great.
I also create space for 10-20 minutes of reflecting meditation each day and 20-30 mins of exercise. Notice how I’m allowing myself to play with these and not setting outrageous time goals. I work better when I treat these less like necessary punishments and more like healthy activities that add to me feeling good throughout the day.
These are the main changes I’ve made each day because when I chose to set boundaries with devices, and allowed my mind to quiet down a bit, it spoke to me immediately on what it needed to feel safe, rested, and motivated.
Boundaries are not punishments they’re healthy limits that you understand need to be implemented for healthy well-being. If you went into the pantry and just kept eating and eating with no boundary, what would happen? You would put on weight and feel awfully uncomfortable after. The same is true for devices: overusing social media, listening to too much news, gossiping too much, staring at our phones too much, and watching too much TV. It creates an imbalance which makes our minds anxious and this is why we have trouble: Connecting with others, sleeping, incorporating discipline, and managing our emotions. Yes it really is that bad.
What if you realize this but just can’t stop?
I’ve been there too. Consider a few options.
Joining a support group where others are living mindfully, hiring a coach, or asking a friend to be your accountability partner. Again you would choose to do these things for yourself because YOU MATTER. Your life experience matters. Another way you can approach it is make an agreement with yourself to try setting boundaries for 3 days and see how you feel. If you feel good after 3, do it for 7 and so on. The point is to FEEL BETTER. Don’t lose sight of this goal.
Your mind may resist the changes at first, telling you it doesn’t work, it’ll never work. You can’t help yourself. I’m here to lovingly tell you that is bullshit. It’s your mind trying to protect you, prevent change, and fear of the unknown. In this case, the future of this is not unknown for you. It’s glorious. I’ve taken this plunge and come out on the other side and I can assure you, it’s the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself.
But what if your family and friends aren’t following and they’re still glued to social media, devices, the news, gaming, and TV?
Here’s the hard truth:
Let them.
Their choices don’t have to be yours, and you can’t control them. Give them the freedom to live how they want and know that they may be inspired when they see how much your life changes after implementing this form of self care. Either way, you will feel better and their choices will affect you less. You’ll build immeasurable resilience.
Before I finally “snapped” and decided to make these changes for myself, I was suffering deeply for about 20 years and I’ll never forget that time. I wish I started sooner but now when I look at the change in myself and who I’ve become, there’s a part of me that still can’t believe it. It’s that powerful. I’m proud of myself and I’m proud of you for being willing to listen to this episode. Give this a shot in your life. You’re worth it. If you need help crafting something that will specifically work for you, please reach out to me. I’d be honored to help you.
Lastly, if you feel totally lost and are not sure who you are or what you need, I recommend exploring the Human Design System. It’s allowed me to pin down exactly who I am, what I’m good at, what I struggle with, and how I can best make decisions in this lifetime as my unique self. This is not some woo woo fluff, this stuff truly works and it’s a miracle I’d like to share with you. Feel free to google Human Design or send me a message, I’d love to talk to you about it.
Lastly.
I believe in you.
Wishing you a warm rest of your day.
If this episode resonated with you, take one thing you learned today and put it into practice — even in a small way.
That’s how change starts — one act of self-respect at a time.
I’ll see you next week for more conversations that bring you back home to yourself.
If you’re interested in checking out the other work I do, please visit my website @ www.relationshipswithasoul.com
Substack subscribers get 20% off all my services until October 21. That’s less than 2 weeks left on this deal. Reach out to take advantage of this promotion.
