Why You Should Put Yourself Out There

PART 1: Convincing you to take that leap, revealing the one thing I never thought I could do, and why this journey will be absolutely life-changing for you if you follow suit.

"Normality is a paved road: It's comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it." – Vincent van Gogh

When I was a young kid, I never really believed in myself. I was always taught to stay out of the limelight, play it safe, agree with others, and stay away from extreme risk.

Thinking back, I’m sure that was a defense mechanism that my parents instilled in me because, well, they wanted me to survive. And although this may be one way to ensure your survival, the real price paid for this path is your happiness.

Let me explain why…

Coming into this world, we can see how children behave during the early stages. At first, there is a lot of observation, eye movements darting back and forth. Babies are taking in EVERYTHING around them and just getting acquainted with the world.

As these toddlers advance to the talking stages of life, we begin to see them expressing desires for what they want and what they find interesting. A child at this age is virtually fearless and will go for the things they want without even questioning them. This is a sign of the natural order of things because, at this age, societal conditioning has not set in yet.

Also at this age, most kids are happy because they have the freedom to express themselves and the freedom to explore new things both inside and outside their own mind. The soul is light, joyful, and flowing with the rhythmic frequencies that naturally exist on our planet.

Around the age of 4, societal conditioning begins to set in, and kids are made aware that there are now adults to impress and gain recognition from. From this point on, parenting takes full effect, followed by the schooling experience, followed by the working world and relationship world.

During these phases, kids are taught a “playbook” for how life works and how to best integrate with everyone else. After all, being able to integrate among the herd ensures you higher chances for survival, does it not?

Perhaps indeed it does, but what is the price for that? In my opinion, it squashes unique creativity, instills a fear blanket over any ideas that come through your mind that may be outside the box, and puts heavy weights of limitation on you that you will carry, sometimes unknowingly, for the rest of your life.

If I’m being honest, it really is the societal conditioning that we receive as children, and well into adulthood, that prevents us from believing in ourselves and remembering how easy it was to create and express ourselves as very young children.

I took some acting classes in college, and one of the life-changing quotes that my professor told us on Day 1 was that

“In order to be a good actor, you have to be able to have a childlike belief in the world around you.”

As a young adult, this was my first reminder to think back on how I did things as a young boy. Prior to hearing him speak about this, I had gone through my entire teenage years and some of my 20s without ever having thought that my belief perception and creative flow had changed since I was a child.

I realized that I was petrified of what other people thought of me now, almost minute by minute. The fear of failure was so strong in me that I did not want to try anything. In fact, in my early 20s, I realized that I had spent about 1/4 of my life living in fear and not executing a single thing that I wanted to do.

The equation goes like this: You have a brilliant idea that you’re excited about doing, and you want to share it with all your family and friends because we’re taught that the meaning behind the word “family” and “friends” is lifelong support for anything that you want to do.

However, something happens when you begin to exercise this “truth.” You realize that not everyone is happy about your idea. In fact, some people are downright scared for you and begin to tell you all the reasons why it is not a good idea and why it will not work.

Why is that?

People often identify what you say with their own experiences.

If you come across an idea that is too “big” for them, that means that they themselves would have a hard time executing it. Then they will reflect their fears back onto you.

Essentially what they’re doing here is telling you why THEY couldn’t make your idea a reality.

The brilliant part about this realization is that YOU ARE NOT THEM! You’re a completely different person with different experiences, and the fact that you’re excited about an idea means that you ALREADY have the power to execute it.

I guarantee you that there is someone out there that if you told that idea to, they would say, “Wow, that’s a great idea! Let’s make it happen, I believe in you.”

Now that person also has a different mind that is able to see the possibility of things working out, probably because they have taken on a similar challenge or seen it done by someone else before.

THESE are the kinds of people that you want to share your ideas with. These are the kinds of people who will not only support you in your journey but they’ll challenge you to do more as well because they are also probably working on something challenging themselves that they already believe in.

The truth is, your family and friends should support you in everything that you’re doing, but if you ever start to feel resistance from one or the other, this means that you are outgrowing them in this way.

If this resistance intensifies where they express negativity about more of your ideas and choices, it probably is best to refrain from talking with them about these topics and start the search for a network that aligns more with the way that you see the world. This will not only free you up from stress and negativity, but it will open you up more to expand even more into the person that you’re becoming!

In my early 20s, when I realized that I had closed myself off to a room with popcorn and video games for the majority of my free time as a teenager, I came to the conclusion that it was a deep survival mechanism that “made me feel safe” because I wasn’t putting myself out there, and when you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t be judged. Right?

Well, the unfortunate thing about that last sentence is that’s not true either. People are going to judge you whether you do things or not. If you do great things, people will critique them. If you do nothing, people will critique you for being weak and will prey on talking about your life so they feel better about the small moves they’re making in their lives.

Let me be clear:

People who are doing great things, enjoying their journey, and have trust in themselves to succeed will almost never judge you in a negative way. They simply don’t have the time to “trash on your life” because they’re too busy WINNING.

Which brings me to an incredible quote I remind myself of often:

“If you don’t have critics, you’re not playing a big enough game.”

Knowing that there will be people out there who will judge you either way is a great strength because it shows you not to pay attention to the noise. As time goes on, their opinions will matter less and less, and if you do keep tabs on them, you’ll see them standing still a lot longer than you’ll see them in motion.

What Happens When You Put Yourself Out There Consistently

Coming from a very sheltered family upbringing, I remember when I was entering middle school and it came time for me to select the required foreign language that I was going to study. Remember that time?

I remember having 3 options: Spanish, French, and German to choose from.

Coming from a 100% rooted Italian family on both sides, I REALLY wanted there to be an Italian option. But there wasn’t… In fact, no schools in my area offered it at that time.

I should have chosen Spanish, due to the immense popularity of the language, as I would have absolutely used it way more than the other two. But I was fascinated by the uniqueness of French. It just sounded better and more romantic. I wanted to be the more romantic type, so my French studies began.

To this day, I remember a little French and could probably get by okay in France, but I just wasn’t passionate about it. I decided I would study Italian the first chance I got, which was in college. I took an elective course and learned a little, but the course wasn’t really designed for fluency, and I wanted to sound like a native.

After working my ass off in a semester of Italian class, I had barely picked up anything useful. I decided to finally bite the bullet and do the one thing that absolutely TERRIFIED me. Immerse myself in a native environment where the language was spoken all the time.

The problem was, I couldn’t just pack my bags and go to Italy. I had to make a living and couldn’t graduate to that “yacht life” just yet.

I started studying manifestation and remember constantly thinking about Italians around me that I could learn from and hang out with.

I remember one night shortly after beginning these exercises, I was parking my car out back behind my apartment building and I saw two ladies putting their key in the door. They lived in the same building as me, although I had just moved in and didn’t know anyone.

At a quick glance, I figured they were in their 50s, and to my surprise, they were both speaking Italian to one another. I couldn’t believe it.

“Hi there!” I said with an excited tone in English because I barely spoke any Italian at all. Their backs were towards me, and I remember them turning their heads halfway around, still not completely acknowledging me. Perhaps they were surprised I said anything at all…

“My name is Nick, I just moved in. You know my family is 100% Italian on both sides and I’m really interested in learning the language!”

“Oh really…?” one of them said, in a tone of disbelief, still not turning her head completely around. At this moment, both of them began to make their way upstairs. It didn’t seem like they were interested in talking. Neither introduced themselves.

“Yes, it’s something I’m really passionate about,” I said, as I watched them continue to the top of the stairs, almost out of view at this point.

“Well good for you, good luck with that,” I heard the other one say, as I lost sight of them.

I felt awful, honestly. It’s hard to put yourself out there like that and to experience what seemed like immediate rejection for a reason I could not understand. It felt humiliating.

“Have a great night,” I said, choked up, as I heard keys turn the lock of a door. No response followed.

That night was hard for me. I felt like I had this huge opportunity right in front of me, but the door was slammed in my face, literally. I don’t know why I didn’t just stop there, but this lit a fire under my ass like no other and I kept going.

I went to the Italian Institute of Culture in Los Angeles after doing some research and figured I’d volunteer there as an intern for free, just to get around the Italian conversation.

Upon arriving at the front desk, I was greeted by the receptionist who worked there.

“Yes?” she said in a fairly rushed tone.

“Hi, My name is Nick. Is there someone I could speak to about volunteering here?”

I could tell that she was from Italy and seemed like an intern. By the way she reacted, she didn’t really know what I wanted, but she nodded, dialed a number, and said a string of words in Italian that sounded so fast that lightning could have struck and she would have just finished. I had no idea what she said.

“Someone is coming,” she said. I waited 15 minutes and a man named Massimo appeared and greeted me in Italian. I asked if we could talk in English, and he reacted in a slightly disapproving manner but agreed. I told him that I wanted to intern here and that I was passionate about Italian culture and wanted to work in this environment.

“We’re not hiring,” he said. “And if we were, there’s a vigorous process to work here. This is the Italian Government; an exam is needed, and The Ministero in Italy has to approve of you.”

I felt like a brick had just been thrown at my face. How was I going to get out of this one?

I gave it everything I had with one last sentence.

“I’m not sure you understand what I’m asking for. I’d like to work here for free. I have a wide variety of skills I can use to help you with things around here.”

His expression changed. He was stunned. “Free!?” he said. It was evident that no one had ever asked him for anything like this before. He stood there for a moment in deep thought and then motioned for me to follow him. I went up the stairs to a hallway with offices on either side. It clearly felt like “forbidden territory.”

We walked down a long hallway until we came to an office with glass walls on all sides. I could see a man inside on the phone moving his hands fluidly (as many Italians do). Upon entering his office with Massimo, I was informed that this was the Director of the Institute, essentially the president of their organization.

To my surprise, after Massimo told him why I had been brought here, the Director, Alberto, asked me why I wanted to work here. I told him my story, and he followed up immediately by asking what my skills were.

I told him I could help with technology, write advertisements and newsletters in English for their business, and answer phones to help persuade more Americans to come to their events.

At this point, both of these men were looking at me like I was offering a scam. I was shocked when he agreed and told me to come back tomorrow at 9 a.m. sharp. I told him I would be there, and the meeting ended.

My first day there, they had me set up a television and mount it to a wall. Shortly after that, I was answering phones at the front desk. And after proving I could survive that, they had me greeting important people at the front for events, translating documents, and assisting photographers with cameras on their real high-ticket events.

I was thrown into the middle of a language I barely understood and was WAY outside my comfort zone each day. It felt incredibly uncomfortable. But I noticed something beginning to happen after about 30 days. I was actively speaking this language, whereas before, I didn’t have the vocabulary to express myself.

I even met a girl named Marcela, who was an exchange student, and we worked together and hung out for some time before she had to go back to Rome for school. Marcela taught me a lot about the younger culture in Italy, and updated me on how things were for Italians that were our age over there.

After 2 months working for free at the Italian Institute, I felt more comfortable, although it was still a very new experience for me because things were constantly changing.

One morning, I was in my apartment getting ready for work, and there was a surprise knock at the door. I opened it and saw a young man I didn’t recognize standing there. “Are you Nick?” he said. I told him that I was. He turned out to be one of the owners of the building I lived in.

“We recently had an unfortunate situation where the manager of this building was fired due to fraudulent documents and an expired visa. I know that you don’t have experience with property management, but if you’d be interested in taking over the job as our new property manager, we are in a desperate situation and would train you. We need to have someone on-site here as a manager by law. It’s easy work, and we’ll give you money off your rent every month as compensation.”

I was stunned. The offer sounded great, and I accepted immediately without hesitation. Thus began my journey as a property manager in Beverly Hills.

In case you’re wondering what happened to those Italian women who lived in my building at the beginning of the story, they will resurface in Part 2 of the story, as my journey of determination to learn Italian continues.

Cheers to all of you who are currently in the midst of facing your fears! Feel free to leave a comment with a fear you’re currently tackling!

Catch you in part 2 of the story next week!