You Should WANT Discomfort In Your Life: Here's Why

Relationships With A Soul

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-18:38

You Should WANT Discomfort In Your Life: Here's Why

EP 35- We're looking at discomfort all wrong. A detailed breakdown

Nick Neve

Oct 07, 2025

Transcript

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Tuesday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

EP 35: Why Discomfort is your GREATEST Ally

If there's anything that I've learned from discomfort over the past 25 years, it's this: avoiding discomfort creates way more discomfort in the long run.

In this episode, I’m going to be breaking this down for you using my personal experience to support this argument. My hope is by the end of this episode you’re inspired to invite more uncomfortable situations into your life. If this sounds crazy, and / or intriguing, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive in.

Have you ever stood over the edge of a diving board, afraid to jump?

You linger there, trying to find a way to make it easier and to stop the fear from growing.

But what's happening in every second that you stand there is that you're feeling more uncomfortable, and the feeling doesn’t go away.

Instead, if you trust the experience and just “jump off the diving board”, the feeling of fear instantly starts to turn into relief.

When you land, you feel an immense sense of relief—and maybe even excitement and joy.

But the feeling of fear is gone.

The proof in this example is that the longer we avoid an uncomfortable situation before taking action, the more discomfort it creates for us in the long run.

Instead, if we just confront the discomfort and experience it, we stop that cycle immediately and start a new cycle of improvement and change.

It also builds memories of trust that we can tap into to help ourselves take on future uncomfortable situations.

The more uncomfortable situations we’ve gone through, the more memories we have that serve as proof that we can do it again. This is how we build resilience.

Discomfort Also Shows Up A Lot In Relationships

An example is wanting to ask someone out that you like.

Have you ever found yourself procrastinating on asking someone out on a date?

How long did you wait before taking the plunge?

The discomfort you feel in waiting could last a day, three days, a month, a year—but it never goes away, does it?

If you think about it, Wouldn’t it seem like it could have been less painful to take action sooner?

Perhaps that discomfort even stopped you from asking them out altogether, and you never found out if they would have said yes.

In this case, discomfort was still felt but because action wasn’t taken, the answer was forced to be “no”.

This last scenario is powerful because we stay stuck in a state of inaction in order to protect ourselves from discomfort, but in doing so we still experience the discomfort—and in the above scenario, choosing not to ask someone out on a date always ends up with the date not happening.

Usually when people reflect on this, a lightbulb moment happens and in the future, they always want to take a chance, because in this case, not taking action, always results in a “no”.

Wouldn’t you want at least a small chance for there to be a “yes”?

Also, there’s something interesting that happens when you finally do take the plunge and ask them out.

Whether they say yes or no, eventually, the feeling of discomfort leaves. If they say yes, the feeling leaves immediately.

If they say no, you may still feel uncomfortable, but over time, you will accept that the situation didn't work out and allow a door to open for something new.

Most people prefer taking a chance and getting an answer, because it’s a form of closure for the situation.

Whereas if you stay in the same cycle—wanting to ask them out and ruminating in your mind over the perfect way to do it—you’ll just cause yourself more pain in the long run without moving forward at all.

This is the trap that so many people fall into.

It's a form of stalling, and it causes a great deal of pain. I know this because I've been in this situation many times with many different girls that I wanted to ask out, and also with many scary life changes I wanted to make in my life—such as leaving my job, starting a new one, or chasing a dream. If I could go back, I would have just thrown myself in the fire, I would have saved so much pain, even though it doesn’t seem like that upfront.

Let’s talk about why it’s better To Throw Yourself Into the Fire

What I realized is this:
If you throw yourself in the fire, it seems like it's going to be a lot more painful—which is why we avoid it. But it's actually shortcutting you to your next success by minimizing the pain in the long run by hardening your shell, building resilience, and making you even stronger for the next challenge. Taking these kinds of plunges often will make you unstoppable, and you’ll achieve ultimate resilience to face anything in life. Who doesn’t want that?

Here’s a Pro tip: These are the experiences that give you years of growth, in a short period of time. Imagine growing more in 1 day, than most do in 5 years. This is the kind of reward I’m talking about; I’ve seen and experienced it myself.

When you take action by throwing yourself in the fire, you get a result to go off of. That result will either:

Cause the pain to go away completely, or
Force you to pivot and change direction to make room for something new.

Coming to realize this, is extremely powerful because you can talk yourself through discomfort and relax your body by knowing that even if it feels counterintuitive in the moment, taking action benefits you in the long run.

I learned this lesson from one of my more recent job experiences.

When I first became a property manager in Los Angeles, I was paid only $300 a month and given a small discount on my monthly rent. The people I worked for were very abusive, and I could feel very early on that this was not the right place for me—that I was being taken advantage of. I also had no experience on what the average compensation was for this type of job. The former manager of our building had been fired suddenly, and they needed a replacement fast. After knocking on a few doors, they arrived at mine. I was that replacement option. No experience, no idea what the job was, I just started the next day.

I was afraid to branch out and look for other job opportunities in that field because I didn't think I had enough experience. Deep down, I didn't think I was worth any more than they were paying me.

So, I stayed in that situation for a few years before finally forcing myself to search for something better.

Interestingly enough, once I started putting my resume out there—the thing I was most afraid of—I had a job interview within a week.

When I came in for the interview, the family interviewing me, took one look at me and said out loud.

"We can't hire him. He looks like he’s 15."

I was 25.

They were about to dismiss me on the spot.

I immediately responded:

"I know you called me into this job interview, and everyone put time into getting here this morning. Why don't we just sit down for 15 minutes and let’s do the interview. If you don't think I'm right for the position, we can go our separate ways."

I just didn’t want to lose the opportunity.

They agreed. I ended up getting the job—and not only did they give me an apartment in Beverly Hills with free rent, they paid me four times what my old job was paying. I couldn’t believe it..

They later went on the say I was the best property manager they ever had in the 40 years they owned that building.

I had spent two years living in discomfort at the old job, making a garbage wage, and was afraid to make a change because I didn't think things could change. But in just one week of taking action, my entire situation transformed. And had that not worked out right away and something even half as good happened a few months down the road, the effort still would have been worth it.

The same thing happened in countless relationships where I was afraid to ask girls out. I would wait three months, six months, a year trying to come up with the perfect strategy to ensure success.

But the truth is, you can never guarantee success. Even if you come up with the perfect script, you can’t control how the other person will respond, or what the outcome will be.

The best thing you can do is be your authentic self, approach them honestly, and ask them out.

If they’re interested, they’ll say yes.
If they’re not, they’ll say no.

Either way, you’ll have permission to take the next step in your life.

But if you don’t make a decision, you stay stuck in that current loop. Time goes by and nothing changes. This is the type of quicksand people get trapped in—completely unaware of how much time is slipping away.

I want to speak to just the ladies for a moment. We live in different times now and in my experience, most men just cant bring themselves to take the chance and ask a lady out like they once could. If you think you’ve found a good guy and he’s giving you attention but not asking you out, take the chance and ask him. It could turn out to the best thing you ever did. He may be an amazing man, he just might have a little stage fright. Don’t let clinging to the way things used to be prevent you from getting what you want. You deserve to make this happen for yourself. A man may not have the courage to approach you, but he can still be an amazing man.

Let’s talk about rejection for a moment.

Rejection is a Blessing

There were times I asked someone out and they said no.

What happened was profound: that rejection freed me to move on and reposition myself to meet someone better aligned with my life. Instead of waking up and thinking about that person every day, I was forced to change my thoughts to focus on new opportunities—and that’s when they started to come in. If you’re obsessed with one thing, your mind won’t allow you to see anything else.

Sometimes this required a job change, a move, or pursuing a different goal. Those shifts brought me into new environments where I met new people—including the next partner I would spend time with.

If I hadn’t made that initial move, I never would have evolved.
In this case, rejection was a blessing—not a failure.

Here’s Why Taking Action In Difficult Situations Causes You To Win Either Way

If you ask someone out and they say yes, your life changes as you begin to experience life with them.

If they say no, your life changes in a different way—opening space for something new.
Either way, taking action moves your life forward, and that’s what the soul truly desires. To experience and to learn.

The worst thing you can do is remain stuck and just let time go by.
I’ve spent years infatuated with someone without acting. Looking back, nothing moved in my life during those years until I made a move. The sooner you realize this and get out of that trap, the sooner you start living again. Time is precious, whatever is keeping you stuck will not kill you. Trust me, I’ve been through so many painful situations that I thought would—and I’m still here. It will be the same for you.

The Takeaway Here Is That Discomfort Is A Win / Win

Most of my life, I viewed discomfort as negative.
We’re taught that pain is bad and should be avoided.

But no one ever tells you that pain forces growth.
Your willingness to confront discomfort and feel pain is what creates strength, deeper learning, and rich, life experiences.

When I avoided pain and chased only pleasure, I wasted years of my life.
But when I embraced discomfort, I grew the most, learned the most, and created the richest stories of my life.

Here’s the secret:

Discomfort is a win-win.
You either face it and get the outcome you want.
Or you face it and don’t get what you want—but you’re free to pivot, grow, and explore something new.

And the bonus? It’s actually exciting! Discomfort makes like exciting and worth living. Try it out for yourself

When you avoid discomfort, you’re temporarily trapped, locked in a room, waiting for someone else to free you.
That almost never happens.

The truth is: You can either feel the pain now, or you can feel it later. But you can’t avoid it. And it’s not to be avoided anyway for that matter. It’s here to foster growth, to nudge us. Without it, life would be boring.

Some Final Words On Why Discomfort Is Actually Your Friend

Whether it’s:

Asking someone out,
Applying for a new job, or
Starting your dream business...

You can spend months or years stuck, trying to find a pain-free way to act.
But the truth is this: discomfort is unavoidable.

Instead, think of it as a stepping stone that is helping you grow.

What if this was how the formula of the world really worked?

Suddenly, when you view it from this lens, discomfort becomes ok

The moment you allow yourself to feel discomfort, you create momentum.
That momentum is what ultimately gets you what you want.

If you’re inspired by this post and want to start working on yourself or go deeper with work you’re already doing, send me a message and let’s talk. I’d love to hear what your goals are.

Listen up for a moment while I present my greatest offer ever:

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