The Hidden Power of Self-Focus: A True Act of Love

Discussing The Power Of Prioritizing Yourself to Better Serve and Uplift Your Network

We live in a world today where the word "narcissism" has been blown up to mean a myriad of things. It’s talked about so much that we associate a negative connotation with the word.

This isn't as much of a concern as the more common definition people associate with narcissism: a person who only cares about themselves. The buzz around this topic has forced many to believe that caring only about yourself is an undesirable trait in society.

What happens next is that people try to shift their focus away from themselves to be more desirable. They focus solely on the other person, thinking that if they do everything for that person, how could they not want to end up in their network or as their partner?

Growing up, I was known by my family and friends as a “nice boy.” That quickly became my identity because I did not want to disappoint my network. Everywhere I went, I tried to act that way, and any thoughts, opinions, or feelings that did not identify with that were just buried and forgotten about.

Except they weren’t.

Those buried feelings lingered and caused a lot of resistance, stress, and pain as I tried my best to hold onto that persona that my family, friends, and schoolmates expected of me. I was more afraid of the backlash and disapproval from them if I acted any differently; I did not want to let them down.

The truth is, I was putting so much energy into keeping this personality alive that I was missing out on a lot of other growth and experience opportunities. I noticed that I was putting in all this energy to satisfy a network that wasn’t really “paying me out” in the value that I craved. I was also attracting the wrong types of people that fit the “mask” I wore and not who I actually was.

The main question was: what would happen if I just decided to be myself, started voicing the things I loved doing, and started living life by taking action on my terms and no one else's? How would my network react? Why was I so afraid of disappointing them or stirring things up?

I stumbled on a book by author Susan Jeffers called “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway.” The book contains a lot of great advice and wisdom, but one thing that Susan said changed my life. She says that:

“the reason why all our fears exist, no matter what they are, is because we believe that we will not be able to handle the outcome if something changes.”

In her book, Susan reminds us that we have been able to handle everything that has been thrown at us in life so far, so why not this as well? She explains that if we just commit to the idea that we can “handle it,” the fear already diminishes a little. With a little more practice of saying these words every time we think we can’t do something, we’ll begin proving this fear false by actually confronting the very thing we’re scared of.

This book really helped push me over the edge to take the leap of faith and just be me. As I started to share more about who I really was and what was important to me, my network started to shrink, and I began to hear less and less from people I once called friends until I didn’t hear from them at all.

Initially, I felt sad, but a little reflection showed that this made perfect sense. Of course these people were not interested in the new me. They were interested in the old me because it’s what resonated with them and what they were familiar with. This new guy seemed a little crazy, risky, and unpredictable.

I thought that when my network shrunk from 100 to 5 that this was a pretty sad story. But why did I feel so happy? The 5 people who were left provided me with overwhelming support, challenged me, and really took up more space than the other 95 I had lost. Why? Because we were now all on the same page. And it felt so good.

When you step into your own shoes and take responsibility for who you are and what moves you, magic starts to happen in the world around you. Instead of becoming alone and staying alone, you begin to bond with yourself on a real level and attract like-minded people into your life who share the same goals and interests. Regrets become a thing of the past because now you are operating from a truthful place.

Authenticity is king nowadays, and probably always was, but more so now that we have all these artificial ways of editing ourselves. I always thought I could fake authenticity, but the truth is that even if you fool someone on a conscious level, subconsciously they will always pick up on something, and it will remain in the back of their mind, eating away and affecting how they feel around you.

We all want to feel good. It’s why we make the decisions we make. What if I told you that just deciding to be yourself, even if no one follows you, you will experience more happiness and joy than if you had a full network of people around you who didn’t really know the real you?

When you decide to focus on yourself, you’re trying to discover what speaks to you and how you can best operate in the world. When you discover that gem, you can then give your best self to all those around you who are ready and willing to receive the real you. This allows you to put your best energy forward and will enhance every moment you experience, as well as have the best impact on those in your trusted network. It’s a way for you to be there for them and support them in whatever way they need. And it’s so much easier because now you know yourself and are comfortable.

In this way, focusing on yourself is not a form of narcissism, but instead, a wise choice to travel a path that you know will lead to improvements all around.