Here's Why You Don't Take Care Of Yourself

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Monday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

EP 19: Here's Why You Don't Take Care Of Yourself

Hey everyone! A bit of a blunt topic title, I know. But I appreciate your interest and I want to share this message with you because I’ve truly seen my life do a complete 180 since I came full circle to understand this concept. Diving right in, here’s what to expect from this episode. We’re going to talk about:

• The main reasons why you don’t take care of yourself

• Why most people secretly believe it’s not that important

• Why self-care ACTUALLY has a HUGE payout, and what that payout is

By the end of this episode my hope is that you’ll be inspired to give yourself a little more personal time and focus than you do right now.

I believe the reason why we aren’t motivated to do this is simply because we secretly don’t believe our life will change that much if we slow down. There’s just so much to do all the time that we just need to keep going. We’re taught that getting things done is the “right way to live” because it brings us the most fulfillment. But evidence hasn’t shown us that this doesn’t pan out, and so today we’re going to make a change.

Thank you for your trust and attention today. Let’s get started.

We’ll begin with the main reasons why we don’t take care of ourselves.

From my observations I believe one of the top reasons is that most of us just don’t believe it’s worth it to take the extra time.

Now why would we think that?

Interestingly enough, most people are stuck in constant anxiety, stress, and overstimulation and most aren’t even aware of it.

When you’re stuck in an anxious loop, you’re always thinking about the next thing, and more focused on checking things off a list and clearing things from your plate than how you actually feel throughout the day.

Taking care of things on our to-do list does bring a feeling of short term fulfillment, but the problem is most times, it doesn’t take care of your nervous system unless that activity on your to-do list is intentionally put there for self-care.

Even a “self-care” activity like yoga that is done from a wrong angle such as “trying to just get through it to complete it” will more often than not leave you feeling the same, with frustrations and short fuses still present.

To complete this example, a better angle to consider with yoga is focusing on the action you’re doing in the present, your breathing, the pose you’re in, and the wonderful decision you made to do something wonderful for yourself.

Keeping this focus will not only give you the best out of your practice, you’ll be nurturing your nervous system and giving your mind a rest at the same time. How you focus matters, it can change the experience completely.

So now that we know that anxiety, stress, and overstimulation are the driving factors why we cannot bring ourselves to slow down and accept a relaxing, recharging activity, what can you do if you decide you want to change that?

The first thing is recognizing and being aware of the way you feel during the day. If we can’t recognize when we’re overly anxious, the impulse to change it will never happen. So first we look at the behavior patterns.

Here are a few signs that show us anxiety is running our lives

• constantly looking at our phone (can’t be without doing something)

• quick body movements with no justifiable reason

• Inability to focus attention or listen for more than a few minutes

• Fast speech patterns

• An endless to-do list

• Feeling frustrated that there never seems to be enough time

Here’s the truth:

Anxiety keeps you moving either physically or mentally. When you’re unable to slow down, it’s difficult to take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is a form of restoration where you’re allowing yourself to rest and recharge. It’s a conscious choice that needs to be made by YOU. It’s not automatic which means it will never happen on it’s own.

If you’re in a constant state of fight or flight, it’s almost impossible to allow yourself to slow down. And if you try to force it? It feels really uncomfortable and you won’t be able to stay there for long. I’ve tried that one many times.

Ever try to meditate or relax when you’ve had too much caffeine? That’s what I’m talking about.

So why do so many of us deem slowing down and taking care of ourselves to be unimportant? My hypothesis is that the feelings of stress, worry, and anxiety keep us distracted from being able to see the bigger picture around us. But first we really have to identify what the main causes of those feelings are when we experience them.

A question I asked myself recently is, why are so many of us so stressed and on edge?

I actually decided to meditate on it.

Here’s what came through:

Technology has made our world way more fast paced than we’re used to. It has truly captured most of our attention.

It has also increased our expectations. For example. It’s common to send an email or a text and then get frustrated with the person on the other end if they haven’t responded within 1 hour. We assume because everyone carries a phone around nowadays that they see our messages quickly— so why aren’t they getting back to us then? This leads us to take things personally when more often than not, the other person has an endless to-do list of their own, and quite often can’t get back to you until things slow down a bit for them.

It’s also important to note that if they’re a high achiever and seem to live a balanced life, they do this intentionally because responding to every “notification” as soon as they see it increases anxiety levels exponentially. They’re aware of this and keep themselves out of this realm. It’s precisely how they’ve been able to craft a balanced life for themselves.

Instead of taking things personally all the time, we can actually learn a lot from the people who have it together, because they’re leading by example.

In fact, if we don’t set limits for ourselves, we will keep pushing the ceiling until the roof finally blows off. And by then it’s too late because we’re burnt out and more frustrated than ever.

It’s our responsibility to maintain awareness and know what our limits are. You can become aware of your own limits by looking at past situations that placed you in a highly anxious state. That’s your body telling you that you went over the limit. The body gives us incredible feedback if we choose to take it that way.

Lots of times we look to others to “save us” or “meet our needs”. After all it’s conditioned from childhood to rely on our parents and schools to bring us what we need.

But what they don’t tell you growing up is that you’re 100% responsible for your life and how it is lived. Assuming that responsibility is what gives you clarity and power in your life. Grab the steering wheel, because if you don’t the car will drive itself. And who knows if it’ll take you where you actually want to go.

Now it’s time for the real nugget inside this episode.

What are the benefits of taking care of yourself and why does it have such a huge payout for you?

The short answer is that nothing feels better than feeling comfortable in your own life. This is not cultivated from the outside world, but rather how we choose to see and feel things that happen in our lives. It’s the way we process these experiences from the inside that really creates how we see the world, and how we live in it.

The one word I use to describe this is “awareness”. The misconception about this is that most believe awareness is an inherent thing that we all know how to do automatically. The truth is, this was the case when we were born, but we quickly lost sight of it with the bombardment of distractions and the “system” we all live in being forced upon us. Essentially the lives that we live now are within that “societal system of acceptance”, where it actually doesn’t matter what the right thing to do is, but rather, what is accepted by the masses.

Society was in fact created, and it was not created with your best interests in mind. This is the reason why so many are lost, unfulfilled, overly anxious, and descending deeper and deeper into the ocean each year.

It’s because the things that were promised under this system actually don’t deliver. In this case, the system is a scam, and once you see that, you can happily create your own.

Despite what the system promises, A simple look around will tell you that:

• Making loads of money leads more people to misery than fulfillment

• Staying busy all the time leaves you feeling more anxious and stressed out than actually fulfilled

• Climbing the career ladder often leaves people feeling empty, not empowered.

• Prioritizing productivity over presence disconnects you from what actually matters.

• Seeking validation through status or followers rarely leads to real connection.

• Suppressing emotions to “stay strong” breeds isolation, not resilience.

So how are we supposed to quote “live our best lives” if we’re using a system to guide us that doesn’t work as advertised?

This is where change is invited in.

If things are not working out, your life experiences will show you that over and over again as a sign to try a different direction.

It’s not punishing you, it’s nudging you to try something different so you can actually get what you want.

Awareness IS Power

You can’t change unless you’re aware of what you need to change. Realizing that cramming our schedules with endless to-dos and keeping our body in a state of anxiety all day is not going to lead to us feeling accomplished and worthy at the end of the day. It’s going to produce poor sleep in the evenings, the need to make even more money, and do more things so that hopefully it will eventually be enough where we can just smile and sit down and say “I’ve made it”.

The truth is: It’s much more simple than you think, you just need to figure out what your own limits are.

Oftentimes less is more

The man who can go for a hike in the woods at 2pm any day of the week feels more free than the man who works 60+ hours per week and has millions in the bank.

The mom who carves out time for herself each day so she can show up better for her lover and kids feels more fulfilled than the mom who micromanages every aspect of her day because they feel that type of control is needed to create the perfect family dynamic

The person who decides to rest when they need it most likely achieves more overall in the long-term than someone who demands maximum productivity from themselves and forces themself into burnout over and over.

Life is all about strategy. Do you have a strategy for your life? Or are you just waking up every day and turning that treadmill on full blast until you fly off it?

The best thing you can do for yourself is take a hard look at how you’re living right now

What is stressing you out the most? What if you made some changes? Asked for help? Communicated to people that you love that you need to make some changes to re-ground yourself so you can show up better for them.

Putting a strategy together for yourself wins over autopilot every single time.

I’m curious if this has sparked brainstorming in you and if you feel inspired to do less of anything or make any changes in your life.

Let me know in the comments or send me a message. If you feel like you need help restructuring your life so you feel less anxious and more fulfilled. I can help you with that. Message me below to take charge of your life and do what most won’t.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

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