Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast
Every Monday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.
It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!
Don’t Have Time For The Whole Video? Catch A Summary Below!
EP 22: HOW TO Take Care Of Yourself: Show Up As Your Best Self In Business, Relationships, + Life
and discussed the importance of self-care, with Landon sharing his journey through burnout caused by prioritizing external validation and financial goals over well-being. Landon detailed his decision to close his business to prioritize himself, the subsequent period of change and self-discovery, and his shift towards a lifestyle-first business focused on personal happiness. Landon also provided advice on incorporating self-care, emphasizing awareness, small steps, challenging societal conditioning, and finding joy in activities without perfectionism.Introduction to Self-Care Nick Neve introduced the topic of self-care with guest Landon Poburan on the Relationships with a Soul podcast. Nick observed that self-care is often perceived as easy but is frequently neglected, and he aims to explore the processes of those who prioritize it. Landon expressed excitement about the conversation and commended Nick for highlighting this important topic.
Landon's Background and Entrepreneurial Journey Landon Poburan shared that he helps coaches and course creators build businesses with an "anti-hustle" approach focused on simplicity. He has been self-employed for about 20 years, having started around ten businesses in various sectors including technology, e-commerce, fitness, and coaching. Landon emphasized that self-care and the well-being of the person behind the business are crucial for success. He also noted that prioritizing self-care is an ongoing journey, not a fixed state.
Burnout and External Validation Landon recounted a period between 2015 and 2019 when he was transitioning careers and became heavily influenced by external validation and expectations. He described getting caught up in the "hustle" mentality of achieving arbitrary financial goals, leading to constant competition and comparison with peers. This relentless pursuit resulted in burnout and depression, peaking around 2017-2018, characterized by 16-hour workdays, seven days a week, and coping mechanisms like excessive energy drink consumption and frequent drinking.
The Decision to Close the Business Landon identified the decision to close his gym business as the first significant step towards prioritizing himself. This was a difficult decision with substantial financial implications (over $100,000) and led to a loss of community and identity. Despite the challenges, Landon and his wife felt an immediate sense of relief, recognizing that continuing the business was no longer serving their desired life. This decision marked the beginning of breaking away from externally imposed paths.
Navigating Change and Uncertainty Nick Neve acknowledged the intensity of Landon's experience and the common pressure to conform to external expectations. Landon shared that the decision to close the business involved significant contemplation and weighing of potential consequences, but ultimately came down to a point where "enough was enough". Despite the fear of the unknown and the negative fallout, Landon and his wife trusted their ability to figure things out together, even with the new financial burdens. They eventually embarked on a period of travel and simplified living to rebuild.
The Beginning of a New Path Nick highlighted Landon's point about trusting oneself and the common fear that change will initially be more painful. Landon emphasized that things tend to worsen without change and that the period after making a significant decision is the beginning of improvement. He noted that the journey after closing the business was not a linear progression but involved ups and downs. It was the start of a process of self-discovery, experimentation, and seeking guidance through podcasts, books, and coaches.
Shifting Motivations and Priorities Landon explained that his primary motivation shifted from money to personal happiness and designing a lifestyle-first business. He realized that he and his wife were primarily driven by experiential and emotional fulfillment, rather than purely financial targets. This led to a focus on creating a sustainable business that allows for personal time and enjoyment. Landon also emphasized the importance of self-reflection, therapy, and consciously prioritizing personal needs.
The Impact of Pressure and the Joy of Living Nick reflected on the negative impact of putting pressure on oneself to monetize passions, which can diminish the joy derived from those activities. Landon reiterated the importance of self-reflection and asking oneself what one truly wants. Nick emphasized the tendency to prioritize the needs of others over oneself and the value of checking in with one's own feelings and needs.
Advice for Finding Time for Self-Care Nick inquired about advice for individuals with demanding schedules seeking to incorporate self-care. Landon acknowledged the varying circumstances and privileges that affect one's ability to make significant changes. He suggested being kind to oneself and recognizing that current behaviors once served a purpose. Landon proposed "softening the edges" of unhelpful behaviors through awareness rather than expecting them to disappear entirely.
The Role of Awareness and Small Steps Landon stressed that the journey to self-care begins with awareness of recurring themes and curiosities. He shared his personal experience of returning to writing and recognizing the stress caused by phone calls as examples of such awareness. Landon advocated for resourcing oneself through various means like books and podcasts, and for making very small, incremental changes. He emphasized that self-care practices for the body, mind, and joy are crucial, and these will differ for everyone.
Challenging Societal Conditioning and External Influences Landon cautioned against the societal conditioning, often driven by capitalism, that promotes a singular "right" way to achieve happiness. He highlighted the validity of different paths to well-being, including enjoying a traditional job. Landon also emphasized the importance of filtering and limiting external inputs, such as social media and unaligned courses, that can negatively influence one's well-being. He now approaches business with curiosity and integrity, prioritizing what serves him personally.
The Snowball Effect of Awareness and Letting Go Nick summarized Landon's insights, emphasizing that self-care begins with awareness, which can create a positive snowball effect of recognizing and releasing what no longer serves. This process involves an internal realization of what feels good, contrasting with the negative emotions that arise from stress and frustration. Nick and Landon discussed the importance of understanding the reasons behind past behaviors without self-judgment. Letting go of unhelpful patterns creates space for desired experiences and feelings.
The Gradual Nature of Personal Change Landon emphasized that letting go is not an instantaneous event but a gradual process of awareness and curiosity. He used the analogy of discovering lactose intolerance to illustrate how recognizing negative feelings after certain actions can guide one towards positive changes. Small, consistent adjustments can lead to significant long-term outcomes, and setbacks can provide valuable insights. Landon shared his personal journey of self-discovery related to his neurodiversity, which further enhanced his self-awareness and acceptance. He underscored the importance of trust in oneself throughout this non-linear journey.
The Okayness of Trial and Error in Self-Care Nick highlighted the value of a trial-and-error approach in finding what works for individual self-care, noting that it is a learning experience rather than failure. He asked Landon to share his personal self-care routine to provide examples for listeners.
Landon's Personal Self-Care Routine Landon detailed his self-care routine, emphasizing that physical activity, particularly a morning workout, has been a long-standing and crucial element for his well-being. He prioritizes writing for his business in the mornings. Landon aims to end his workdays early (around 1-2 pm) as part of a "slow business" philosophy inspired by his therapist's concerns about burnout. He incorporates mindfulness practices like journaling, reflection, deep breathing, and meditation, followed by joy-inducing activities such as learning Spanish on Duolingo and playing chess. Landon also shared his ongoing exploration of hobbies, driven by a desire to balance his past overachieving tendencies. He actively experiments with various activities like coding, basketball, pickleball, and considers others like tai chi and beach volleyball.
Finding Meaning and Enjoyment Landon Poburan discussed their philosophy of bringing meaning to one's experiences and enjoying things, contrasting this with a view that humans weren't inherently designed for happiness. Landon believes defining meaning is personal and currently structures their day around this idea.
Exploring Possibilities and Overcoming Fear Nick Neve expressed feeling inspired by the idea of trying anything, noting that fear, particularly of difficulty, often prevents people from doing so. Nick suggested that initial difficulty is normal and doesn't equate to failure, comparing this to exploring a video game or the world and learning new things.
Embracing Activities Without Perfectionism Landon emphasized the importance of doing things without the pressure to be the best, citing a book, "How to be Enough" by Ellen Hendrickson, which addresses perfectionism and the joy of hobbies for their own sake. Landon is personally working on softening their own perfectionist tendencies.
Appreciation and Future Topics Nick thanked Landon for their time, vulnerability, and insights, believing the episode offered valuable information and would encourage listeners to explore new things and seek inner peace. Landon also enjoyed the conversation and hoped to encourage listeners to shift their perspectives. Nick announced the next episode would focus on relationships and self-improvement.
If you need help with a recent break-up, putting yourself back out there in the dating world, or feel lost when it comes to relationships, message me below, I’d love to help.
THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.
I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!
A happy week to you all!
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