Welcome to The Behavior Blueprint Podcast!
Every Monday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the main ones that we focus on here.
It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy . Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!
EP 12: "I try to set boundaries, but people either push back or make me feel guilty for it."
Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of work on boundary setting when it comes to my personal schedule, my work life, and my relationships. Boundary setting hasn’t been around forever, at least people haven’t been talking about it for the majority of humanity’s time here so far. So why now?
I believe that as newer generations are coming into the mix, we’re beginning to understand more and more just how important our own mental health is. Previous generations didn’t believe in things like therapy, setting aside time for yourself, or setting boundaries because they either viewed it as a weakness, completely unnecessary, or thought it was being overly dramatic.
However, what I’ve noticed about most people who don’t believe in boundaries is that unfortunately, their own mental health is a mess. They’re seen either constantly burning themselves out, self medicating with drugs such as: pills, smoking, or alcohol, and more often than not have a short fuse and lack of patience.
But we don’t need to set boundaries and focus on our mental health right? It’s not necessary and most of us are just “fine” the way things are.
Taking a closer look at the absurdity of these claims, I’ve realized that setting boundaries is a LIFE SAVER!
However, there’s one main problem that I see come up again and again when it comes to changing your routine with new and improved boundaries.
The one’s setting the boundaries: “us”, have a fear of either disappointing people, angering them, or engaging in an argument if they happen to push back on those boundaries.
In this episode, I’d like to focus on this concept, and my hope is that by the end, you will have a better understanding on why push back isn’t as scary as it might seem
We’re going to talk about:
The main problems when it comes to setting boundaries
Why you should tune your life to a network that accepts your boundaries
What to do if someone doesn’t accept your boundaries
Some Important boundaries to consider
First off, when you decide to set a boundary, never forget that the primary purpose of doing this is for your own mental health and well-being. Always realize what YOU are going to get out of this and how much your life is going to improve from “performing maintenance on your life”
Just like going to the gym, organizing your life with certain boundaries is going to protect your energy and enhance your personality in everything you do because get this: You are showing yourself a huge amount of respect. You are showing yourself that you care about your life and experience here.
Oftentimes the trap we can fall into when wanting to set a boundary is the fear of how the other person will react. We obsess over that and forget the GOOD that is going to come to ourselves for making this decision. Never forget that there is always a huge positive change waiting for you on the other side.
If you set a boundary with someone and they try to bypass it in any way either with anger, manipulation, or simply ignoring it, what that means is that the person DOES NOT respect you. Let that sink in for a moment. Do you want to include someone in your life who does not respect you? These types of people are using your energy and time for themselves so that they can feel better in their own situations. More often than not, they don’t give a damn about you or what you’re going through. Which brings me to my next point
No one really knows what you’re going through. Coming to terms with this, you can either share that with them if you believe this will help them feel more comfortable about your boundary, or you can share it with them as a test, to see if they’ll respect you and offer help if desired. If after you share your struggles with them, you still find that they’re more interested in themselves and their own needs, you should think long and hard about how that makes you feel.
Your goal should be to have relationships with people around you who accept your boundaries. These people are usually comfortable in their own lives, are not needy for your attention or help all the time, and most likely have important goals and a busy life schedule that they’ve set for themselves.
In my personal experience, the ones who have always pushed back on my boundaries have been needy people who don’t have a lot of important things going on in their lives, a lot of time, and the same problems that keep showing up again and again because they resist change and self-growth.
If you’re someone who is paving the way forward for yourself and cares about evolving as you experience life, you’ll need to be careful around these types of people and I would recommend either setting strong limits, or questioning whether or not you’re still compatible with them.
Remember: A connection, whether it is a work relationship, friendship, or family relationship, does not need to last forever as some may try to force you to believe. If that connection is creating a lot of resistance in your life, you can absolutely limit it, or in some cases, move on altogether.
Life changes some of us more than others. Things and circumstances also change. Our connections are only as good as the level in which they support us. Moving on from a connection that is no longer serving us is not a form of rejection. It is simply recognizing that 2 people have grown apart and are choosing to focus on different things in their lives now. If the relationship is not reciprocal, it’s time to think more about boundaries for that one.
Let’s talk about some important boundaries that you could consider for yourself
Emotional Boundaries
I am not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.
I will not allow guilt or pressure to make me say yes when I mean no.
Time & Energy Boundaries
My time is valuable, and I don’t have to overextend myself to please others.
If something drains me more than it fulfills me, I have the right to say no.
Communication Boundaries
I will not engage in conversations that feel toxic, disrespectful, or manipulative.
I have the right to end a conversation if it becomes hostile or unproductive.
Relationship Boundaries
I will not chase or beg for love, attention, or respect.
If someone repeatedly crosses my boundaries, I have the right to walk away.
Work & Professional Boundaries
My job does not own me—I am allowed to set limits on my availability.
I deserve respect in the workplace, and I will not tolerate mistreatment.
Social & Digital Boundaries
I don’t have to be available 24/7 to be a good friend, partner, or family member.
I am allowed to mute, block, or unfollow anyone who affects my peace.
Personal Boundaries (Self-Respect & Self-Care)
I will not abandon myself to keep others comfortable.
I do not have to justify my self-care, rest, or personal choices to anyone.
To wrap things up, you may encounter push back when setting boundaries and you may even lose people from your network who are unwilling to accept your boundaries. But ask yourself this. Are these really the people that you want to surround yourself with as you grow and prosper? What served you once doesn’t necessarily serve you now and it’s important to reflect on that.
Remember: No one can force you to do anything. The decisions you are willing to make for yourself show you how much you respect yourself. I encourage you to learn how to be your own best ally because at the end of the day, being able to rely on yourself is a superpower, and a wonderful place to arrive at.
When you set boundaries for your own life experience, progress, and fulfillment, you are showing yourself time and time again that you respect yourself, trust yourself, and know that the universe will work it’s magic to align you with experiences that truly serve your self-growth.
That about wraps things up for this episode! I like to keep things short and sweet with these, but if you’d like to hear more on boundary setting, hear about some of my past experiences with boundaries that both worked out and didn’t, or want more examples of scenarios and role play that include boundary setting let me know in the comments and if there’s enough interest, I’ll consider doing a longer episode, or writing an article on it.
Thanks for tuning into this episode, I hope this information was helpful for you! If you’d like to share a unique situation you’re in, I welcome that in the comments! We learn by sharing our stories.
Be sure to tune in every Monday where I’ll be talking about a different problem that is common in relationships and how to go about solving it.
Have a problem you want me to write about? Let me know in the comments or DM me and I may do an episode on it!
Thanks again for reading and have a wonderful week everyone!
THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.
I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!
A happy week to you all!
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